Thursday, November 1, 2007

Phlegm on my Phace

So sometimes I go running at lunch. It makes me feel a little better, even though I'm gasping like emphysema patient by the end of my loop (that wasn't nice - I'm sure those folks are breathing much easier than me, what with their BOTTLED OXYGEN), and when the weather's nice it's a chance to get outside. Anyway, I was about halfway through the other day, when I realized I needed to get rid of, shall we say, a loogy. This typically happens when I haven't had much to drink in the mornings, and I end up with this really sticky, viscous spit. It's pleasant.

So I find a clear place, where I won't a) spit on someone or b) be seen spitting, and I let fly. 94% of the projectile takes the intended path onto the grass adjacent the path. The other 6% elects to get separation anxiety and cling oh so sweetly to my right cheek. Meanwhile, other runners/walkers/personal hygiene inspectors are approaching. I try to wipe away the offending saliva, but I only succeed in smearing it across my face and into my nose. So now I can smell my own drool, and I also look like a member of an inbred royal family to most of the people around me.

I try to ignore it until I can wipe my face with my shirt (you know, so as not to draw attention to it) but I can tell they see. And they judge.


T-Money said...

Oh my dear dear Samson. I thought you were gonna get the excess drool thing checked out? I thought the STD meds were supposed to clear that up too? So sorry to hear of your salvatory issues. If it makes you feel better, I understand loogies are excellent moisterizers!! Can I have some!?!?!?

t's ma said...

t-money---you are so gross!!! Your mother would be soooo disappointed....oh, oops, oh well...