Friday, April 6, 2007

New man crush

Ahh, it's official. I can finally declare my purely heterosexual admiration for Daisuke Matsuzaka. The rookie from Japan (a 26 year old rookie, a veteran of 8 years in the Japanese major league, but it's all good come Rookie of the Year time) pitched a splendid debut on Thursday afternoon, defeating the Royals 4-1. As much as I'm in awe of his abilities (apparently he has like 8 pitches, can paint corners with any of them, and could kung fu the shit out of you if you so much as look at him sideways), I think I'm more impressed with the way he comes across in interviews.

And that is, through a translator.

I think all professional athletes should be assigned a translator, and should be required to either a) answer in a foreign language, or b) whisper in their translator's ear. This way, we could train the translators to screen the answers for impropriety, hubris, retardation, and racism. A pipe dream, I know.

Anyway, a photo for those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about.

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

A Novel Solution

I typically have little to no interest in politics, beside trying to keep abreast of major events, such as the election of a new president, or the creation of new states. I have heard rumblings about some war going on in Iraq, and have a sad confession to make.

I was in favor of the war when it started. I'm not sure if it was concern over the purported 'WMD' (which I can only assume stands for Wacko Mega Decapitator, a truly fear provoking weapoon), or lingering anger about the attacks of 9/11 and the lack of conclusion brought by the subsequent conflict in Afghanistan. I can only say that I thought it would be a good idea to go after Saddam as if he was some sort of linchpin upon which the whole radical/militant Islam community depended.

Instead, we found Saddam in a muddy hole, and found no real threat to Western Society other than the fact that the average Iraqi male at the age of 11 can grow a better moustache than Burt Reynolds, and in less than two weeks. Think of how quickly they could win over our women!

Now, the question seems to be, how to gracefully bow out of this never ending conflict, which has turned into a civil war/free for all. And then, I stumbled upon an article from the good folks at Reuters (surprising that I missed the article in the Khaleej Times, which is the only paper I subscribe to).

A Muslim Solution to the Iraq Conflict

Now, if this isn't the greatest idea I've ever heard of. Haven't we been waiting for a suitable country/territory/reality TV producer to pawn all this responsibility off on for months now? And Indonesia (?) all of a sudden wants to volunteer??? How are we not jumping all over this? We back out, apologize for acting like Big American Retards and let Muslim countries take over. At best, they bring the sectarian violence under control, and a new peaceful Iraq (or multiple Iraqs, sorted by hairstyle, music taste and religious preference, coupled with geographic factors) is formed. At worse, it stays the same, but no more Americans are in the line of fire, and less American dollars are spent on candy and pretzels to throw to the children while they throw IEDs back at our troops. And yet this story has been buried already, and no one is paying attention.

Obviously, I've infantile political knowledge, but I really don't see a downside to this solution. And to end with a sentence that I've uttered countless times in my life: Thanks, Indonesia.

BONUS: Indonesia is made up of 17,508 islands.