Wednesday, March 19, 2008

I think I'm making the wrong impression

I think it's an indication I lack focus, what with 'interactive bestiality' next to 'age appropriate snacks' as keywords to find one's way to this blog. I'll work on that in the future.

I heart candid photos

Here's lookin' at you, America!

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Pls read before dinner k thx

I have itchy feet. My feet have itched, in fact, for close to a year. Being the responsible adult that I am, I promptly saw a doctor about the condition. Last week. For a fun exercise, let's go through what I expected the consultation to go like, and how it actually happened.

-Go to doctor's office
-Be examined within 20 minutes of appointment time
-Get examined by doctor.

-Treated with some modicum of respect/restraint
-Get prescription lotion or balm of some sort.

-Go to weird house converted to office
-Get examined 45 minutes after 'appointment'
-Be examined by nurse with skin fetish.
-Have photos taken of feet by aforementioned nurse.
-Get prescription, and BONUS biopsy both feet.

Some details, if you're interested:

-Nurse had new Treo, or some smartphoney looking thing. She sort-of-in-passing asked if she could take pictures, all the while oohing and ahhing about 'what a fantastic contact rash this is' as if my feet were an adorable newborn. They are not.

-The last photo was so disturbing to the electronic device that it froze the phone. The photo stayed on the screen, not moving, and the phone remained unresponsive. If I'd thought this was some sort of punishment for the nurse it would have been appropos, but instead I think she might have just snuck off to post it on some rash messageboard somewhere. VIOLATION.

-Why would you biopsy my rash? Is it just because you biopsied the guy next door (aside - the walls were paper thin. I could hear the goings-on of this procedure on the patient next door. It is a little unnerving when the nurse asks the patient if they're on blood thinners after the biopsy. Even more so when she asks me at the same point during my procedure. HI, YOU'RE BAD AT YOUR JOB. STOP MAKING PEOPLE BLEED LOTS.) I'm pretty sure the little cores taken from my feet were sold on some weird foot-black market e-ped or something. Hope they fetched a good sum.

-The nurse suggested I could have 'a friend' take my stitches out, and that really the only precaution I should take is to 'make sure everything's sterile'. Neat-O Home Suture Removal Kit - in stores now! ha, no, just use tweezers and little scissors, along with a fifth of vodka for your friend to 'sterilize their liver/ steady their hands'.

Photos to disturb you:Lefty


Thanks for reading. I am available for children's birthday parties and also for 'scared straight into foot hygiene' sessions at local high schools.

Thursday, March 6, 2008

This hasn't been deleted yet? crap.

Hi. I feel like a stranger to my own inter tube. I have a few quick updates, though. Neat, huh?

-I got two refunds from the MBTA yesterday, for delays of over 30 minutes. They are in the form of ticket vouchers. Which are useless to me, as I have to buy a monthly pass anyway. I don't really see how that's a form of compensation for my delay, since I still pay the same amount every month, even if the train never comes. People who buy 12-ride tickets, or pay cash, get free rides on these 'delayed' rides (saving an actual quantity of money) since they can use that ticket one additional time or use the money saved to buy three 40 oz beers. AND they can still apply for ticket vouchers. At least they responded to my letter.

-One of the reasons that the site hasn't been updated in like a month is that I no longer have a home computer. (the other reason is because I hate you) To remedy the first reason, I tried to buy a computer yesterday, online. As I haven't received an email confirmation yet, I called tech support to see how things were going. To navigate the menu, I had to use one of those 'voice-activated' menus, instead of the touch-tone style ones. The conversation went something like this.

Computer People: Please enter your order number, or if you don't have one, say "I don't have one"
Me: I don't have one.
Computer People: -long pause-
Me: I don't have one.
Computer People: Please enter your order number. If you don't have one, say "No". (I suppose they figure the instructions got a little tricky for Mr. Sam)
Me: No
Computer People: Would you like me to connect you to a customer service representative? Say Yes, if you mean yes, and say No, if you mean no.
Me: -stunned silence- YES.
Computer People: Hang on, I'll go get someone to help you, right away! -robotic voice scurries off down hallway-
Random Indian Tech Supporter: -gibberish-
Me: Chicken Dansak and garlic kulcha.

Now, while that was racist and inappropriate, it effectively illustrates three points. First, even the automated phone system though I was a moron. Second, those verbal menus are worthless, and make me sound like an asshole when other people are around (I don't have one. I don't have one. I_don't_have_one. No. No. No. NO. fuck.) Third, I never got an answer to my question. Apparently orders can take 24 hours to confirm. So much for instant gratification. AND I didn't get delicious Indian food for lunch. Dell sucks.