Waffled for my pleasure

I spent a good chunk of my morning scraping dog poo off my doc martens. I say martens because it was on both shoes. I must have had a lucky couple of steps, or perhaps this particular canine launched his/her salvo from afar, resulting in a larger spray pattern. I just don't know. What I do know, now, is that shoes soles are typically textured not for traction (as treacherous as the average sidewalk is, I'm fairly sure I'd survive with a somewhat less aggressive tread) but to retain particles of fecal matter in which the wearer is unlucky enough to have trodden. So if you're looking to give yourself a really awful (and I purposely avoided a pun there, which if I see it in the comments section I will delete and punch you in the face) start to your day, I'd recommend scraping dog shit out of your shoe for 10 minutes or so. That should do it. There's really nothing more humbling that cleaning someone/thing else's fecal matter off your shoe. Plus I have no good excuse why I smell like ass today.