Thursday, September 27, 2007

Odds and Ends

- For whatever reason, it seems like a good idea to some unknown culprit to urinate in the commuter rail cars. And, from the smell of it, in EACH AND EVERY car. It's either that, or 90% of the population of metro Boston smells like hobos.

Or maybe just I do? Quick, someone smell me.

-On the subject of trains, I rode on a train with some kids, I'd estimate their age at about 12-14. This is funny, because they were unattended, and they made it to their stop with no problems. Yesterday, I rode halfway to Lowell before I realized I was on the wrong train. No worries, just an hour of my life, gone and unrecoverable. I wish I could sue the MBCR for my stupidity. Although I think our courts are backed up enough as it is, I'd have a case list 40,000 long (that's what she said) if it was allowed.

-If you listen to iTunes, please turn off the Backstreet Boys anthology and tune into ABF clubbing, under radio/international. You're doing yourself a favor, although your neighbors will not enjoy your lightstick performance.

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Peace out, ME

Due to someone's inability to find honest employment in The Great State of Maine, we found it necessary to relocate outside the Pine Tree State. So last Saturday, we spent the day packing up all our belongings, in order to clutter up a new place of residence. I made a feeble attempt to enact policy which would require all new possessions to be procured, but the motion did not gain any support in our bicameral legislature. I needed 51% of the vote and could summon only 50. So it goes.

While packing, we came across some unique items, including a fancy Samsonite fanny pack (which I used to keep my most important belongings in for the duration of the move), and someone's spare cat. Here I am, taking a break with both.

After minimal (relatively speaking) difficulties clearing the house, we took to the road in a beautiful steel steed.She only had 22,000 miles on the clock, most of which were accumulated between the local Goodwill store and the urine factory, judging from the smell. No worries, at this point I hadn't showered in three days and was riding in the truck alone (L said it had nothing to do with my personal hygiene - looking back I think maybe that was a little white lie).

I managed to take the truck the 90 or so miles to our new location in Salem, MA (no i haven't seen any witches, ha ha ha ha), where we brought all our newly modularized possessions into the apartment, where they still sit today. Unpacking is overrated anyway. I think we can work the boxes into an IKEA-like efficient storage system. Many homeless use a similar strategy with dramatic effect. They have nicer boxes to work with though, like appliance ones. Lucky, lucky folks, those homeless.

I'll miss the old place though, there won't be nearly enough room for my new performance art exhibit. You can look for it in a few months; it's under development. I'll have to find some new space for rehearsal, but here's a sneak preview:

A Positive Blue Ball Experience from Sam on Vimeo..
Needless to say, I'm very proud of it.

Monday, September 10, 2007


Our newest edition!
Salamander: small, slimy, taste similar to chicken. Serve with steamed vegetable (i.e. spinach). Mildly toxic.

Thursday, September 6, 2007

He chose...poorly

So I have this myspace page. It isn't much, and I didn't even create it, but it's mine. And sometimes, one of my 12 (seriously) friends puts up a bulletin. I like to think of these as fishing for attention. It's a message that all your friends can see, whether they want to or not. According to myspace, after you read these bulletins, there are two courses of action (sort of like a choose your own adventure, just with relationships with real people) to take: 1) You can reply to the bulletin: Hi friend, I enjoyed your message. Thanks!, or 2)You can delete your friend. Bye!I like this polarization - make a choice, and don't screw up. It's like if you're asked what you want to eat at a local restaurant, and if you choose to get sour cream on your burrito, they punch you in the face. And it forces you to reevaluate your relationship every time your friend decides to be needy. At least this way you have recourse.

Typical example:
You: 'Sorry, but you had to send that one last 856 question survey, so we're not friends anymore.'
Former best friend: 'OK, but why did you send me a pipe bomb?'

I guess the third option is ignoring the bulletin, but that is so not the point.

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Yes I will do the dishes.

We removed the wood stove from the living room over the weekend. It was resting on some stone pavers. Lauren took care of them.
I hope you notice the clean break. She later broke the neighbor's kids in half.

I've heard of 'the walls have eyes'

But my house has LUNGS. Well technically, it's a hannaford grocery bag, and it's singular, but still - LUNG.


I guess it's somewhat comforting to know that the stove had some draft happening. Chalk that up as the first thing to work properly in the house since we've lived there.

Work Hazard

Contrary to my previous post, it appears my workplace is not concerned with my safety. My walk to my car previously presented only a couple obstacles; namely, employees whose name I've forgotten/never learned, and potentially rabid squirrels. Now I have bridge deterioration to deal with:

I haven't decided if spending the day in the creek 20 feet below would be better or worse than a day at the office. More research may be needed.