Tuesday, January 29, 2008

New objective rating system

I have an idea. It's another really good one, like bottling farts. I propose a rating scheme to evaluate one's looks. This system aims to eliminate oddly matched couples. It's very simple. Each person is issued 100 evaluation forms. They hand them out to the next 100 people they run into. Each evaluator has up to 60 seconds to complete the form, which allows for the evaluation of the evaluatee's appearance. Collect the results, average, and - voila --> an objective evaluation of your looks. There's no real motivation to lie on the evaluation, I don't think. Actually, maybe there is, as it artificially inflates your own score to mark everyone else down. Hmm. Larger sample size, and you have to give the evaluator the number of high fives that they gave you as a numerical score. Who doesn't like high fives?

This new system would finally give me the numerical value of my worth as a person, at least as it relates to the vast majority of my inter-personal interactions, which last anywhere from 3 seconds (walking by someone on the sidewalk) to a half hour (public transportation ride). My only value is if I'm either attractive, or doing something interesting. Since I'm usually picking my nose or looking confused, most of my value would be gleaned from how attractive I am. If it turns out I'm not very valuable, I'll know to hide my face in shame more often. And if I'm more attractive, then I can look down the end of my more-handsome-than-your nose and make you feel like the 5.8 you are, as compared to my 6.1

I actually just used some heights for those numbers - maybe that's an easier way to the same result?

Anyway, if you're offended, here's a picture of Frosty the Snowman trying to off himself, but he got too drunk and couldn't muster the courage:
And, as always, your frank assessment of anything of mine is welcome in the comments section.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008


First, sorry for the long hiatus. I'd like to say it was because of the holidays and such, but the real reasons are far more mundane. Mostly, I'm lame, but also my computer destroyed itself at home and is currently in pieces. I guess I thought it would heal itself faster if I took it apart? Anyway, I have more content but no time to write it. In the meantime thought I'd throw a little nugget your way, from my morning.

- Few things in this world make me feel more like a 4 year old than the broken zipper on my coat. There's no good reason it should take me 7 minutes to take my jacket off, because I'm not a stripper.

- There is a dime in the urinal at work. Let's just say if it was a quarter, I'd have the stench of wealth on my hands for the rest of the day.

- Train was about a half hour late this morning. I sent a refund request to the MBTA. I'll let you know if and when I get it.

Friday, January 4, 2008

Does not perform as advertised

This is the train I ride home almost everyday. Giggity giggity.
I'm 10 years old, by the way.

New Addition

Ha, no, not that kind. Perhaps you've forgotten I'm shooting blanks. Nevertheless, I had a fun surprise on Christmas morning (although not a divinely conceived son of Christ delivered in a manger).

Robo-retard from Sam on Vimeo

Silly friend got himself stuck in the fireplace, hence all the soot. Perhaps he was looking for Santa!!!! but he was too late!!! because it's January!!! and Santa doesn't give presents to robots anyway!!! oh that's sad.

Thursday, January 3, 2008

Do not attempt to duplicate

This Christmas, I decided what I wanted was a new wheel bearing. What I got was the worst repair experience ever. Compounded by the fact I no longer live in the state. Attempted to change the LR wheel bearing (changed RR last spring with minimal issues besides a broken 1/2" breaker bar). I figured this time would be even faster, with my 'experience' to guide me.

After not receiving the part via FedEx in time, I stopped in at my friendly local dealer, who gladly sold me the part at 150% of the online price. After disassembling (and trashing the old bearing in the process) I found that the new part wasn't for my car. And wouldn't fit. After that, I reassembled, which went poorly and resulted in a wheel that would turn only grudgingly. At that point, I put my tail between my legs and had it towed. On Christmas Eve.

Happily the garage was available to fix it on Thursday, and my mom (awww) met me halfway in Kittery last Saturday. In the meantime we drove L's uninsured Mazda (thankfully we hadn't sold it yet, and thankfully I didn't hit any children before we were able to get it insured - I mean, just kidding police who happen to be reading this blog - I wouldn't operate a motor vehicle in ANY state without appropriate levels of insurance; that's irresponsible). I returned the dealer part (gave them a dirty look - should have given their bathroom an upper decker) and will return the online part (it had arrived in my holiday absence) and will never speak of this again.

The good folks at Phil's Foreign Auto didn't ask too many questions, and I can live with a few laughs in the shop at my expense in exchange for a fully functional automobile (and a few dollars). Yet another healthy slice of humble pie to build character. So I'll be taking a brief hiatus from the world of DIY, methinks.

Other than that mishap, the holidays were very nice, I hope yours went as well or better.