Sunday, October 28, 2007

To Whom It May Concern

A dialog to/from the bank refinancing our house:

Dear PeopleWiththeMoney,
I left you a message yesterday but I'm not sure if you've received it. Apparently the daily limit on the debit card is $700, but I've called my bank and changed the limit to cover the charge for your fee and interest rate fee. It should have been effective 10 minutes or so after I called my bank, and so the charge should go through this time. If for some reason this doesn't work (everything should be all set now) I would be happy to give you a different credit card number to expedite this process. Thanks,


Dear L,
We have tried your card several times, and the transaction is not being approved. I hope you understand, but we're not going to process any more transactions. Please overnight a check. Thanks,



Dear dumbcuntbitch,

While I appreciate being treated like a deadbeat loan customer who is overdue for their snowmobile payment, I'd appreciate a little more professionalism on your part next time. I understand that it takes a valuable 15 seconds from your day to walk your fat ass over to the tellers' desk and hand them the note with the credit card numbers, but it'd be neat if you could try one more time. Otherwise, I understand you want us to spend $17.00 to overnight a check to your bank, in order to PAY YOUR BANK for the services you might render if you approve us for this loan. Oh, after you have an appraisal done on the house (paid for by yours truly), which can't be done until we get a driveway in, which won't happen until November 1st. So if you're soooooo imapatient to get your greedy, sausagelike fingers on our money, it'd be neat if you'd accommodate our request to do it electronically, instead of looking down your Mary Kay encrusted nose at our puny incomes. Also, if you could remove the giant hair from your ass before speaking to me again, it'd be appreciated.

Anyway, we're going to go ahead and use another bank that doesn't treat us like 8 year olds taking out a loan for some BubbleTape despite recommendations from our financial advisor/teddy bear.

We hope you understand.


1 comment:

T-Money said...

Wow! I can't believe there is another person with my same name. What a small world!