Wednesday, October 3, 2007

You bet your ass we are

Made a trip up to Maine last weekend, primarily to clean out the house to ready it for its new tenants, but also to spend some time with some good people and have an excuse to binge drink, socially. I originally intended to barbecue at the house, but then I moved everything necessary to barbecue with. So unless people wanted to eat food cooked over an asphalt shingle fire, I thought perhaps we should just go to a bar/restaurant, eat some food, drink some beers, and then play beirut at the empty house. Because I did have a sheet of plywood, cups, ping pong balls, beer, and a budding cirrhosis of the liver (tricky spelling on that - I clearly would not have placed well in med school spelling bee). I suggested Binga's, because they have good wings. And I like wings. And it's all about me.

Apparently (as I would find out in more detail later in the day), Binga's is a popular hangout for the local women's rugby team, and whomever they happen to play that week. This week, it was some lovely ladies from Worcester. Not only did they fill the bar (which wouldn't have taken that many of them anyway, as most were, um, of healthy girth), but they offered up some songs. Here's what I learned from my favorite, which I titled 'Is Everybody Happy':

Monday - Titty Day
Tuesday - day for unnnnnnnnnnghhhhhhhh (which was accompanied by simulated oral sex to both sexes. As you can imagine, there were probably women there who would argue the merits of either choice strenuously, before ripping your arm off and chugging the beer still clutched in the fingers)
Wednesday - Dancing Day
Thursday - Practice (or Fucking Practice day, depending on the verse. I feel like there was some room for improvisation in this tune)
Friday - Fucking Day
Saturday - Game Day (which explains the post-game celebration perfectly)
Sunday - The Lord's Day

Each verse ended with the semi-rhetorical question 'Is everybody happy?' and the entire bar (minus our tiny party) answers said question with 'You bet your ass we are', which is typically how I answer that same question. Other quality selections from the lesbian explosion in that bar were:
'Why Are We Waiting (We Could be Masturbating)' and
'Jesus Doesn't Play Rugby' (due to reasons such as 'The Jews won't pay his dues', 'His headgear is illegal', and 'The goalposts give him flashbacks'.

There was a great deal of audience interaction during these songs, and sadly, we were not able to participate because we didn't know most of the songs. That'll change next week though, I'll show up ready.

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