Sunday, October 28, 2007

Drunken blog time

Some thoughts from a near-Halloween evening here in Salem:

-Saw a film at CinemaSalem tonight (yes, all merged together like some megacorporation. We saw Michael Clayton with 7 other people). A little confusing, as if we walked in about a half hour late, but entertaining nonetheless. I invent the backstory I don't know. Anyway, there was a woman two rows in front of us. She was maybe the most irritating co-viewer I've seen in awhile. There were 4 people total in the th
eater when she arrived. She elected to sit one seat away from two other moviegoers. I can imagine their displeasure, especially as she itched her way through the previews. During the trivia shown before the film, she insisted on announcing her answers (e.g. question: "Who was the first person to survive going over Niagara Falls in a barrel?" Annoyer's answer (loudly): "George Bush", followed by a super annoying snicker.) Sometimes I wish I carried a SuperSoaker filled with mayonnaise all the time. I drank my way past how annoying she was. No word on how annoyed the rest of the crowd was listening to me awkwardly opening multiple delicious Natural Lights. I'll check my comment cards.

-In the afternoon, I managed to clog the toilet. With my poop. And maybe some G.I. Joes that got reassigned to the Navy SEALS. Anyway, we didn't bring our plunger along with us when we moved. Thus, it was either go shoulder-deep in my own dung or go purchase a new plunger. As I have a sensitive gag reflex (insert gay joke here) I elected to visit our local Walgreens to pick up a new plunger. After
the purchase, I was walking home amongst the Halloween revelers. Never have I felt older than walking between Captain Jack Sparrow, a pimp and two slutty witches with a SuperPlunger in hand. I'm almost officially a member of the AARP at 25. I'm also the uncontested lamest person in America.

-40 oz of Steel Reserve = almost guaranteed miserable Sunday. I'll keep you posted.


Two beers:

For two queers:
Other candidate: 2 40s for $4.40 (coincidence? I think not.)

1 comment:

T-Money said...

Oh Samson, what can I say? You are my star!!

On another note... seriously, Natural Lights snuck into the movie theater? Did you go back to your single-wide after that? At least spring for the Steel Reserve next time, have some pride man!!

PS-Love the picture captions!!!