Hi. I feel like a stranger to my own inter tube. I have a few quick updates, though. Neat, huh?
-I got two refunds from the MBTA yesterday, for delays of over 30 minutes. They are in the form of ticket vouchers. Which are useless to me, as I have to buy a monthly pass anyway. I don't really see how that's a form of compensation for my delay, since I still pay the same amount every month, even if the train never comes. People who buy 12-ride tickets, or pay cash, get free rides on these 'delayed' rides (saving an actual quantity of money) since they can use that ticket one additional time or use the money saved to buy three 40 oz beers. AND they can still apply for ticket vouchers. At least they responded to my letter.
-One of the reasons that the site hasn't been updated in like a month is that I no longer have a home computer. (the other reason is because I hate you) To remedy the first reason, I tried to buy a computer yesterday, online. As I haven't received an email confirmation yet, I called tech support to see how things were going. To navigate the menu, I had to use one of those 'voice-activated' menus, instead of the touch-tone style ones. The conversation went something like this.
Computer People: Please enter your order number, or if you don't have one, say "I don't have one"
Me: I don't have one.
Computer People: -long pause-
Me: I don't have one.
Computer People: Please enter your order number. If you don't have one, say "No". (I suppose they figure the instructions got a little tricky for Mr. Sam)
Me: No
Computer People: Would you like me to connect you to a customer service representative? Say Yes, if you mean yes, and say No, if you mean no.
Me: -stunned silence- YES.
Computer People: Hang on, I'll go get someone to help you, right away! -robotic voice scurries off down hallway-
Random Indian Tech Supporter: -gibberish-
Me: Chicken Dansak and garlic kulcha.
Now, while that was racist and inappropriate, it effectively illustrates three points. First, even the automated phone system though I was a moron. Second, those verbal menus are worthless, and make me sound like an asshole when other people are around (I don't have one. I don't have one. I_don't_have_one. No. No. No. NO. fuck.) Third, I never got an answer to my question. Apparently orders can take 24 hours to confirm. So much for instant gratification. AND I didn't get delicious Indian food for lunch. Dell sucks.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Best Weekend Ever?
Note: To be read and cross referenced with Trina's entry.
T-Money came to visit last weekend. This was great for several reasons.
-I got to surprise L by bringing one of her friends to her birthday party
-I didn't have to pay for T's ticket
-L got entertained by someone other than me
All pluses for Sam.
Anyway, my version of events goes something like this:
I was supposed to meet T at the airport. I've been to Logan several times, so I didn't think this was a big deal. Of course, it turns out I've never actually been INSIDE to pick someone up, so I didn't know where the 'Arrivals' showed up. And since I was unable to locate it, I'm fairly certain it doesn't exist. Instead of waiting for T to deplane (stupid word) I wandered like a small lost child, clinging to the hope that by wandering close to the baggage claim area she'd have to find me sooner or later. Which she did. Good thing.
I've had most of the successes in my life because I've relied on other people not to fail. Thanks, world.
Then I was incompetent at trying to find where the silver line picked up outside the terminal (yes, despite being dropped off by the very same bus not 20 minutes earlier), but we managed to find our way back to my workplace, where I promptly abandoned T at the mall (I'll be a great dad some day, no doubt - hey kids, just go play in the large public space for a few hours, I'm gonna grab some 'me' time...) for 4 hours.
Then we got to Salem (approximately 2 hours later than I'd planned, so L was already there) and the surprise was unleashed - still a big success. (side note - dudes: chicks dig surprises, but not dick-in-a-box. write that down). Hooray for everyone. After that, I remembered that I'd neglected another friend who was driving down from Portland, K. K was lost and had called for directions while I was riding home with T. I missed the call, and K had to be led into Salem by following some dude leaving the laundromat where she got directions. She made it to our house, and I hear she only got raped twice. I'll call that a success.
Then we sat around getting drunker for like 2 hours until we decided we were sufficiently obnoxious to go out. Eating, drinking, dancing, yelling commence. L got a birthday dedication from the 84 person band playing that night. It was a very special night for everyone.
Got home, watched some hot girl on girl action, then inflated the air mattress and passed out. Morning, and the mandatory breakfast feast commenced. It started with us squeezing into a 4 person table the size of a postage stamp, bordered closely on two sides by other patrons (who were none too impressed with us; they were bombarded with vulgarity and idiocy for a solid hour, setting aside the drinking straw assault and battery), progressed to me turning into a 9 year old gigglepants at the meal title 'Bald Billy omlette' and subsequently eating my body weight in pancakes and sausage, and ended with me in tears from laughing. At my own joke. Have I mentioned how popular I am?
After that, T and K went to Quincy, and the plan was to meet T and head to IKEA since K was going to stay in Boston that night. Which would have worked fine, if I actually knew where I was going (ongoing theme in my life - lost...hmm, provacative). But I didn't, and L decided she wasn't going to help, so we were a little late (other ongoing theme). This made me a little grumpy, which I'm sure was fun for my delightful guest T. But she's a little ray of sunshine, so she spent quite some time cheering me up. She fell asleep on the return trip, after my circular arguments had exhausted us all. I'm pretty much a black hole of dumb.
Then, a tired (but delicious, and free - thanks T) meal at the brew pub, consumption of 40s while watching L assemble the IKEA chair to round out the night. By the way, if you can get someone else to assemble your furniture, I highly recommend it. Not only do YOU not have to do it, you can criticize someone else. Pretty much win-win.
So for those of you scoring at home, the final tally was:
T- friend score of 87,555,432 out of a possible 10
L-8 on surprised score out of possible 10.
Sam- Lost, late, but full. Still pegged at -29 life score, out of a possible 10. Keep that chin up.
T-Money came to visit last weekend. This was great for several reasons.
-I got to surprise L by bringing one of her friends to her birthday party
-I didn't have to pay for T's ticket
-L got entertained by someone other than me
All pluses for Sam.
Anyway, my version of events goes something like this:
I was supposed to meet T at the airport. I've been to Logan several times, so I didn't think this was a big deal. Of course, it turns out I've never actually been INSIDE to pick someone up, so I didn't know where the 'Arrivals' showed up. And since I was unable to locate it, I'm fairly certain it doesn't exist. Instead of waiting for T to deplane (stupid word) I wandered like a small lost child, clinging to the hope that by wandering close to the baggage claim area she'd have to find me sooner or later. Which she did. Good thing.
I've had most of the successes in my life because I've relied on other people not to fail. Thanks, world.
Then I was incompetent at trying to find where the silver line picked up outside the terminal (yes, despite being dropped off by the very same bus not 20 minutes earlier), but we managed to find our way back to my workplace, where I promptly abandoned T at the mall (I'll be a great dad some day, no doubt - hey kids, just go play in the large public space for a few hours, I'm gonna grab some 'me' time...) for 4 hours.
Then we got to Salem (approximately 2 hours later than I'd planned, so L was already there) and the surprise was unleashed - still a big success. (side note - dudes: chicks dig surprises, but not dick-in-a-box. write that down). Hooray for everyone. After that, I remembered that I'd neglected another friend who was driving down from Portland, K. K was lost and had called for directions while I was riding home with T. I missed the call, and K had to be led into Salem by following some dude leaving the laundromat where she got directions. She made it to our house, and I hear she only got raped twice. I'll call that a success.
Then we sat around getting drunker for like 2 hours until we decided we were sufficiently obnoxious to go out. Eating, drinking, dancing, yelling commence. L got a birthday dedication from the 84 person band playing that night. It was a very special night for everyone.
Got home, watched some hot girl on girl action, then inflated the air mattress and passed out. Morning, and the mandatory breakfast feast commenced. It started with us squeezing into a 4 person table the size of a postage stamp, bordered closely on two sides by other patrons (who were none too impressed with us; they were bombarded with vulgarity and idiocy for a solid hour, setting aside the drinking straw assault and battery), progressed to me turning into a 9 year old gigglepants at the meal title 'Bald Billy omlette' and subsequently eating my body weight in pancakes and sausage, and ended with me in tears from laughing. At my own joke. Have I mentioned how popular I am?
After that, T and K went to Quincy, and the plan was to meet T and head to IKEA since K was going to stay in Boston that night. Which would have worked fine, if I actually knew where I was going (ongoing theme in my life - lost...hmm, provacative). But I didn't, and L decided she wasn't going to help, so we were a little late (other ongoing theme). This made me a little grumpy, which I'm sure was fun for my delightful guest T. But she's a little ray of sunshine, so she spent quite some time cheering me up. She fell asleep on the return trip, after my circular arguments had exhausted us all. I'm pretty much a black hole of dumb.
Then, a tired (but delicious, and free - thanks T) meal at the brew pub, consumption of 40s while watching L assemble the IKEA chair to round out the night. By the way, if you can get someone else to assemble your furniture, I highly recommend it. Not only do YOU not have to do it, you can criticize someone else. Pretty much win-win.
So for those of you scoring at home, the final tally was:
T- friend score of 87,555,432 out of a possible 10
L-8 on surprised score out of possible 10.
Sam- Lost, late, but full. Still pegged at -29 life score, out of a possible 10. Keep that chin up.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
New objective rating system
I have an idea. It's another really good one, like bottling farts. I propose a rating scheme to evaluate one's looks. This system aims to eliminate oddly matched couples. It's very simple. Each person is issued 100 evaluation forms. They hand them out to the next 100 people they run into. Each evaluator has up to 60 seconds to complete the form, which allows for the evaluation of the evaluatee's appearance. Collect the results, average, and - voila --> an objective evaluation of your looks. There's no real motivation to lie on the evaluation, I don't think. Actually, maybe there is, as it artificially inflates your own score to mark everyone else down. Hmm. Larger sample size, and you have to give the evaluator the number of high fives that they gave you as a numerical score. Who doesn't like high fives?
This new system would finally give me the numerical value of my worth as a person, at least as it relates to the vast majority of my inter-personal interactions, which last anywhere from 3 seconds (walking by someone on the sidewalk) to a half hour (public transportation ride). My only value is if I'm either attractive, or doing something interesting. Since I'm usually picking my nose or looking confused, most of my value would be gleaned from how attractive I am. If it turns out I'm not very valuable, I'll know to hide my face in shame more often. And if I'm more attractive, then I can look down the end of my more-handsome-than-your nose and make you feel like the 5.8 you are, as compared to my 6.1
I actually just used some heights for those numbers - maybe that's an easier way to the same result?
Anyway, if you're offended, here's a picture of Frosty the Snowman trying to off himself, but he got too drunk and couldn't muster the courage:
And, as always, your frank assessment of anything of mine is welcome in the comments section.
This new system would finally give me the numerical value of my worth as a person, at least as it relates to the vast majority of my inter-personal interactions, which last anywhere from 3 seconds (walking by someone on the sidewalk) to a half hour (public transportation ride). My only value is if I'm either attractive, or doing something interesting. Since I'm usually picking my nose or looking confused, most of my value would be gleaned from how attractive I am. If it turns out I'm not very valuable, I'll know to hide my face in shame more often. And if I'm more attractive, then I can look down the end of my more-handsome-than-your nose and make you feel like the 5.8 you are, as compared to my 6.1
I actually just used some heights for those numbers - maybe that's an easier way to the same result?
Anyway, if you're offended, here's a picture of Frosty the Snowman trying to off himself, but he got too drunk and couldn't muster the courage:
And, as always, your frank assessment of anything of mine is welcome in the comments section. Tuesday, January 22, 2008
quickly
First, sorry for the long hiatus. I'd like to say it was because of the holidays and such, but the real reasons are far more mundane. Mostly, I'm lame, but also my computer destroyed itself at home and is currently in pieces. I guess I thought it would heal itself faster if I took it apart? Anyway, I have more content but no time to write it. In the meantime thought I'd throw a little nugget your way, from my morning.
- Few things in this world make me feel more like a 4 year old than the broken zipper on my coat. There's no good reason it should take me 7 minutes to take my jacket off, because I'm not a stripper.
- There is a dime in the urinal at work. Let's just say if it was a quarter, I'd have the stench of wealth on my hands for the rest of the day.
- Train was about a half hour late this morning. I sent a refund request to the MBTA. I'll let you know if and when I get it.
- Few things in this world make me feel more like a 4 year old than the broken zipper on my coat. There's no good reason it should take me 7 minutes to take my jacket off, because I'm not a stripper.
- There is a dime in the urinal at work. Let's just say if it was a quarter, I'd have the stench of wealth on my hands for the rest of the day.
- Train was about a half hour late this morning. I sent a refund request to the MBTA. I'll let you know if and when I get it.
Friday, January 4, 2008
Does not perform as advertised
This is the train I ride home almost everyday. Giggity giggity.
I'm 10 years old, by the way.
I'm 10 years old, by the way.
New Addition
Ha, no, not that kind. Perhaps you've forgotten I'm shooting blanks. Nevertheless, I had a fun surprise on Christmas morning (although not a divinely conceived son of Christ delivered in a manger).
Robo-retard from Sam on Vimeo
Silly friend got himself stuck in the fireplace, hence all the soot. Perhaps he was looking for Santa!!!! but he was too late!!! because it's January!!! and Santa doesn't give presents to robots anyway!!! oh that's sad.
Robo-retard from Sam on Vimeo
Silly friend got himself stuck in the fireplace, hence all the soot. Perhaps he was looking for Santa!!!! but he was too late!!! because it's January!!! and Santa doesn't give presents to robots anyway!!! oh that's sad.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Do not attempt to duplicate
This Christmas, I decided what I wanted was a new wheel bearing. What I got was the worst repair experience ever. Compounded by the fact I no longer live in the state. Attempted to change the LR wheel bearing (changed RR last spring with minimal issues besides a broken 1/2" breaker bar). I figured this time would be even faster, with my 'experience' to guide me.
After not receiving the part via FedEx in time, I stopped in at my friendly local dealer, who gladly sold me the part at 150% of the online price. After disassembling (and trashing the old bearing in the process) I found that the new part wasn't for my car. And wouldn't fit. After that, I reassembled, which went poorly and resulted in a wheel that would turn only grudgingly. At that point, I put my tail between my legs and had it towed. On Christmas Eve.
Happily the garage was available to fix it on Thursday, and my mom (awww) met me halfway in Kittery last Saturday. In the meantime we drove L's uninsured Mazda (thankfully we hadn't sold it yet, and thankfully I didn't hit any children before we were able to get it insured - I mean, just kidding police who happen to be reading this blog - I wouldn't operate a motor vehicle in ANY state without appropriate levels of insurance; that's irresponsible). I returned the dealer part (gave them a dirty look - should have given their bathroom an upper decker) and will return the online part (it had arrived in my holiday absence) and will never speak of this again.
The good folks at Phil's Foreign Auto didn't ask too many questions, and I can live with a few laughs in the shop at my expense in exchange for a fully functional automobile (and a few dollars). Yet another healthy slice of humble pie to build character. So I'll be taking a brief hiatus from the world of DIY, methinks.
Other than that mishap, the holidays were very nice, I hope yours went as well or better.
After not receiving the part via FedEx in time, I stopped in at my friendly local dealer, who gladly sold me the part at 150% of the online price. After disassembling (and trashing the old bearing in the process) I found that the new part wasn't for my car. And wouldn't fit. After that, I reassembled, which went poorly and resulted in a wheel that would turn only grudgingly. At that point, I put my tail between my legs and had it towed. On Christmas Eve.
Happily the garage was available to fix it on Thursday, and my mom (awww) met me halfway in Kittery last Saturday. In the meantime we drove L's uninsured Mazda (thankfully we hadn't sold it yet, and thankfully I didn't hit any children before we were able to get it insured - I mean, just kidding police who happen to be reading this blog - I wouldn't operate a motor vehicle in ANY state without appropriate levels of insurance; that's irresponsible). I returned the dealer part (gave them a dirty look - should have given their bathroom an upper decker) and will return the online part (it had arrived in my holiday absence) and will never speak of this again.
The good folks at Phil's Foreign Auto didn't ask too many questions, and I can live with a few laughs in the shop at my expense in exchange for a fully functional automobile (and a few dollars). Yet another healthy slice of humble pie to build character. So I'll be taking a brief hiatus from the world of DIY, methinks.
Other than that mishap, the holidays were very nice, I hope yours went as well or better.
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