Tuesday, January 29, 2008

New objective rating system

I have an idea. It's another really good one, like bottling farts. I propose a rating scheme to evaluate one's looks. This system aims to eliminate oddly matched couples. It's very simple. Each person is issued 100 evaluation forms. They hand them out to the next 100 people they run into. Each evaluator has up to 60 seconds to complete the form, which allows for the evaluation of the evaluatee's appearance. Collect the results, average, and - voila --> an objective evaluation of your looks. There's no real motivation to lie on the evaluation, I don't think. Actually, maybe there is, as it artificially inflates your own score to mark everyone else down. Hmm. Larger sample size, and you have to give the evaluator the number of high fives that they gave you as a numerical score. Who doesn't like high fives?

This new system would finally give me the numerical value of my worth as a person, at least as it relates to the vast majority of my inter-personal interactions, which last anywhere from 3 seconds (walking by someone on the sidewalk) to a half hour (public transportation ride). My only value is if I'm either attractive, or doing something interesting. Since I'm usually picking my nose or looking confused, most of my value would be gleaned from how attractive I am. If it turns out I'm not very valuable, I'll know to hide my face in shame more often. And if I'm more attractive, then I can look down the end of my more-handsome-than-your nose and make you feel like the 5.8 you are, as compared to my 6.1

I actually just used some heights for those numbers - maybe that's an easier way to the same result?

Anyway, if you're offended, here's a picture of Frosty the Snowman trying to off himself, but he got too drunk and couldn't muster the courage:
And, as always, your frank assessment of anything of mine is welcome in the comments section.


T-Money said...

I don't know what to say other than, wow! What fascinating ideas you have Samson. It's almost as if you take everyday words and combine them in the most ridiculous way possible, bravo, that is a true skill!

Keep the ideas coming, I miss hearing from you!

T-Money said...

wtf, new post please, I miss your wit!!