Sometimes, I think things are more complicated than they need to be.
Sometimes, I think lawyers are tools.
Sometimes, two of my theories collide into a single pile of ridiculousness.
Say, hypothetically, you're speaking with someone on the telephone. Now, instead of saying, 'I spoke to them on the telephone', put on your retard hat and think of a different way to express that same concept.
If you came up with 'I communicated TELEPHONICALLY' then you win, and I think you're granted admission to the bar.
In the same spirit:
I shall no longer speak french, I will communicate francophonically.
I shall no longer mistake one word for another verbally, I shall be confused homophonically .
I shall no longer play my favorite instrument, I shall rock out sousaphonically.
I won't feel left out, I'll feel excluded abandonically.
I won't be pro-life, I'll express my beliefs anti-abortionically.
I won't chafe, I'll be hurting frictionically.
I won't have a giant navel, I'll be large bellybuttonically.
I won't enjoy true stories, I'll be inclined nonfictionically.
I won't be angry the neighbor's dog crapped in my yard, I'll retaliate defecationically.
I won't throw away my aerosol spray cans, I'll protest chlorofluorocarbonically.
I won't allow my foreskin to remain, I'll take care of my man-parts circumcisionically.
I won't have a seizure, I'll behave convulsionically.
I didn't let the milk spoil, just lapsed refrigerationically.
No more rowdy college students - a ban on acting defenestrationically.
Ants? Not if I'm proactive fumigationically.
No more worrying about meeting new people, just exude positivity impressionically.
Not 'too drunk to take that phone call', just inebriated incapacitationically.
No more embarrassment at the clinic, just in a bad way infectionically.
I won't have to explain my favorite subatomic particle, just more positronically prone than neutronically.
Not dizzy, just disposed rotationically.
Not unable to stand up, just indisposed erectionically.
I'm Rick Duffy, and I approve this message.