Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Da na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na....

Had a visitor last night at oh say about 1am. I didn't invite him, but I'm not convinced he didn't have an inside connection. I was just drifting off to beautiful solace when I'm rudely awoken. L is convinced there's something in or around the room. I try and reassure her that, clearly, nothing can be wrong because I'm about to fall asleep. She persists, real annoying like, and I'm forced to contemplate the possibility that something (someone?) has penetrated the fortress that is Casa De Sam.

While I'm thinking up that clever phrase, something (someone?) catches my eye, orbiting the room. I no longer think it's a human (unless it's stupid Gulliver during his travels when he's mini) and I have a strong inkling that it is batlike. I suggest that L leave, as she is not fond of animals. She leaves, and shuts the door behind her. Which is fine, except I'm left in the room with the angry, cornered, batlike creature.

I leave the room as well.

Now outside, I decide to turn the light on in the room. Now, if it's a vampire, it should vaporize. Or is that just daylight? Well we use those CFL bulbs so that's gotta be close enough. It continues to orbit the room.

I gather my batcatching equipment. Mostly, this consists of me putting a shirt on, and getting a towel. Now, I just have to go in the room, and catch the damn thing. Oh, and pray it's not like an owl or something. It only takes me like 8 minutes to summon the courage to go into the room. During that time, I nearly urinated myself 6 times, I tried to figure out if maybe the bat would just leave if I left it alone long enough (conclusion - yes but with smelly carcass to deal with + on my bed = not acceptable), thought maybe L would deal with it if I got her drunk enough (conclusion yes but not enough booze in house) and finally, just opened the door and did a half roll (ok I tripped a little) and assessed the situation.

Turns out the situation hadn't really changed. Still a bat (now definitely a bat) and still flying drunkenly around the room. Now, I should mention this was not my first (bat) rodeo. I had caught a bat in similar scenario at an apartment I lived in. Of course, my landlord was there too so I had the fake macho courage to propel me into the house. Plus, it was daytime and I had all my clothes on. This, obviously, was the big time.

I caught a glimpse out of the corner of my eye - my adversary was hurtling towards me at breakneck (approx. 4 mph) speeds. I flail, real awkward 9 year old girl like, with the towel at the tiny death machine. I slam the towel on the floor, and notice, miraculously, there is no more little rabid flying mouse noise in the room. I carefully try and find the little bastard in the folds of the towel (because, for some reason, I'm concerned about the health of this little piece of organic trash). I finally locate him, and pin him as he tries to worm his way out. He begins to emit little sonar noises continuously. Pretty irritating and impolite if you ask me. He's also baring his little fangs at me and swiping at me with his stupid wing. I squeeze a little tighter and this nonsense calms down. Time for freedom you little shit.

I bring Mr. Batwhore down the stairs and out the front door. (I maybe took some photos on the way) I try and gracefully fan out the towel to provide an opportunity for him to soar away gracefully, but instead, he falls into the plantings in front of the house. Very disappointing, and I make a note to re-evaluate our relationship as he is taking without giving to this point. I think maybe he's dead. I shine the flashlight on him, try and hit him with the towel, shout encouraging words to him. He makes some pathetic little noises, but doesn't appear able to fly. I feel bad, again, for some reason. I walk next to him to try and pick him up for a relaunch, but he falls out of my grasp and disappears into some weeds.

At this point, I think I've exercised due diligence in trying to save this creature's life, especially when he invaded MY house. Plus, I'm sleepy. I check in the morning, but he's gone. He either a) wised up and flew away, b)got eaten by our friend Stinky, or c) turned on the bat signal and got some pals to come help him. Yes, there are more options but how realistic is it that the bat won cab fare by playing dice behind our garage?

Now, I have to go patch the likely entrance for bats and other creatures in the closet, and wash my towel. I think the assclown pissed on mine.Hi. I'm not your friend.


Branden said...

Opening a window also works. Just a thought.

Sam said...

My windows allow two way traffic.

mlou said...

Hold on did you catch the bat with the good towels you received from your nice friends for Christmas? And if the answer is yes does L know you used the good towels?

Sam said...

ok mlou. first, you can see the color of the towel in the picture - you do remember the color, correct?

and until i hear differently, i'm going to assume you're moises alou.

Trina's MOM said...

Had a similar scenario......found a bat "dead" in the sink downstairs. Scooped it up with a very long implement and put it under a tree outside. Next morning....GONE! Where do they go? Is there some tiny Bat-rescue squad...you know, a tiny stretcher "manned" ("batted"???) by two bats? Or are these unconsious little guys falling prey to someone higher on the food chain? Maybe cats are not the only creatures with multiple lives????


Sam said...

I would not trust a bat to be dead. They are exceedingly cunning and treacherous. I heard the bat that Ozzie bit the head off later collected its head and flew off, but not before infecting an infant with rabies.

I bet your bat killed everything in a 3 mile radius and then flew away.