Urine - not that great a solvent

So, as a favor (partly because I'm just a great guy and partly because I made a drunken commitment) I had the pleasure of dogsitting for someone I don't know. As a result, I feel I can freely pass judgment.

There are seven (as in not 1,2,3,4,5 or 6) dogs, and three cats. As a rule, I hate cats. In this case, I love the cats. They require nothing more than filling their bowl (which is often because the gluttonous, savage, retarded dogs eat their food too). I only had to take care of the dogs for a 24 hour period. That involved 4 visits, twice to feed and twice to let them out to pee/poo.

Turns out, they pretty much take care of that part on their own, inside the house, probably around 15 minutes before I got there. Of the four visits, there was piss on the floor 100% of the time. There was shit on the floor 50% of the time. And, during my last visit, the dogs had walked around in the number 1/number 2 blend and spread it on the floor. Thanks, assholes.

So I tried to feed the dogs that are upstairs (a two-tiered storage system is necessary for the little bastards), let the downstairs dogs out, and then reverse after upstairs dogs were done eating. That would have worked nicely, if the upstairs dogs didn't get all pissy I'd let the others out first. So they ignored their food and wanted to go out. Fine. So I let them out, at which point the downstairs dogs came back inside, up the stairs, and cleaned out the food that was waiting for the upstairs dogs. You can see where this is going. I am fairly sure one dog at 4 times, another twice, and two other dogs got half portions. The others? They might die. Not from starvation, but because I couldn't quite perfect the delicate combinations of medications, proper food and eyedrops required to keep the animals alive. I made a good faith effort to get it right, but if a couple expire I'm sure the neighbors won't complain.

So once the 'feeding' was over, I tried to clean up the excrement slurry. Complicated by the fact that the dogs always think I have a treat in my hand, even when what I actually have is a piece of their shit, wrapped in a blanket of urine-saturated paper towels. Eat up. Of course, their constant traffic managed to smear some of the poo on the floor (not carpet - practical choice, heathen dog owners). And I think it was while I concocted the idea that using the pee-soaked towels to wipe up the shit stain is when I decided, maybe I don't like dogs as much as I thought I did.

Or maybe I just don't like people who bring every stray/rescue dog in a 750 mile radius into their home and then rely on other people to take care of them. Who knows. What I do know is the city has this to say about it:


Just sayin'.